Nu Resolution 6-5

By Joe Walker

Should the Girl Scouts be arrested for drug trafficking?

I’ve never used drugs, but I’m familiar with the effect it has on people. I find myself behaving rather crack-ish after eating a couple Girl Scout cookies, then trying to save the rest for later. Those colorful boxes call out to me, “Come get another, come get some more …”

On my way into work a few days ago, I passed several Girl Scouts set up on street corners slanging cookies. They weren’t wearing traditional drug-related colored rags or flashing affiliation tattoos, but they were all dressed the same, serving hordes of crack-ish clientele, clocking fists full of dollars and flashing merit badges. And they’re aggressive, blunt and mean serious business. If they’re not gangsta, then I don’t know who is!

When I arrived at my employer, I was greeted upon entering by one of my associates. His eyes were glossed over and he was smiling like he knew who stole my Cobra Commander action figure. He said, “Guess what time it is?” I replied, “I don’t know. What time is it?” He then shouted, “Girl Scout cookie time!” I instantly feared for the safety of my wallet.  I looked around and noticed everyone – employees and customers – eating cookies. I felt myself begin to salivate. I got the chills and began to shake. I had to have some cookies.

“Where are they getting those from,” I asked. “Next door,” he replied. Just then another employee approached us carrying an open box of Samoas. Once she saw the look in our eyes she instantly clutched the box to her chest as if protecting her baby from wolves. “No; get your own,” she growled like a raging fiend, firing coconut and caramel shrapnel from her mouth. I could wait no longer. I ran right next and bought my cookie supply. If someone told me Girl Scout cookies had a “special ingredient”, I wouldn’t be at all surprised.

New Resolution #6: GIMMIE A BOX OF COOKIES … NOW!