Nu Resolution 6-9

By Joe Walker

“If Pee-Wee Herman started a new show where women fought for his affection, would he be popular again?”

You do remember Pee-Wee, don’t you? He was the really weird, kinda nerdy guy who lived with his dog in a house full of gadget-like toys. He had pasty skin, his lips were a little too red, and he dressed like the Muslim men you see by the corner store – button-up shirt, fitted suit and bow tie. He once went on a wild adventure to find his lost bike. Along the way he met Simone, the waitress; Large Marge, the zombie truck driver; and Mickey, the escaped convict. Pee-Wee even had an ultra-popular Saturday morning children’s show that was canceled because, in his life off camera, he decided to go and, well, entertain himself. Someone filmed his private moments and deemed them obscene.

It’s time for Pee-Wee to make a comeback! Network and cable television are so quick to revive stars of the past with some of the most ridiculous “reality” shows, I think they need to center a new program around him. Pee-Wee as The Bachelor. Pee-Wee Loves New York. Pee-Wee’s Next Top Model. Pee-Wee’s Blind Date. You don’t think any of these shows could be entertaining? If Flavor Flav pulled it off, so could Pee-Wee!

In reality we should mind our own business. Television schedules are built around shows that showcase people’s private lives. Camera crews follow couples into their showers and bedrooms during their most intimate moments. Some Internet broadcasts rely on cell phone cameras and peep-freak spectators for footage. The “reality” of entertainment no longer separates fiction from fo’real. There is no line not to be crossed, and regular people have found what used to be stalker activities, to just be entertaining ideas of being entertained. The children who watched Pee-Wee every Saturday morning knew nothing about his personal entertainment. But these days, their parents would like watching him too (wink, wink).