By Melik
Professional relationships I have found to be rather strange in my life. Most of my life’s work has been in the service industry. My first job was to be a bagger in a grocery store on a military base. We worked for tips only. It was good money for a teenager in high school. There were few baggers so we worked with each other often and in close proximity. An example of overlap in different categories of relationships was when my first boss, Mr. Thomas, kind of took on the fatherly role when he strongly suggested that I should start shaving. I wondered to myself why my father never showed me how to shave. I fought the notion of beginning to shave for a long time until it became almost a daily ritual that I would have with Mr. Thomas. It was a short but constant conversation. I would come in to work trying to avoid him. He would find me and say ‘when are you going to start shaving?’ To which I would barely look him in the eye, shrug my shoulders, and mumble ‘dunno’ in that young teenage indifference way that most adults learn to loath. I felt like such a spectacle when I finally broke down, bought some shaving cream and some disposable razors. It was one of the few instances in my life where commercials influenced my purchases.
I liked bagging groceries. This was back when there was no question of paper or plastic and you could put more than three items in each bag. The job did not have much pressure, how difficult could it be to put stuff in a grocery bag so the eggs did not break and the bread did not get smashed? I went to school with those I worked with and we would hang out as well. One of the young men I used to work with, his family I still consider my family. They still treat me like one of their own. However that experience has kind of tainted my way of dealing with work acquaintances. I find it strange how I can spend so much time, interaction, and exchange so many emotions with a person but when one or the other leaves the workplace you may never hear from them again. It seems like such a waste to me. At this point in my life I find it very difficult to invest much effort into becoming friendly with co-workers so I will not have to deal with a great loss once that tie is severed. The statement ‘let’s do lunch’ seems so trite and meaningless.
I do not fare too well in my family either. I am terrible at sending holiday cards. I have forgotten how to write letters. I forget to send E-mails. And I am always too busy to make phone calls. I know if I call my sister that I have to allot an hour. I know if my father answers the phone that I will need to make sure I have a three hour block of time. You can do a lot of house cleaning in three hours but sometimes the phone battery goes dead first. What about visiting you may ask? My Lansing relatives do not ring my phone and hence I do not ring their’s either. My father is three hours north. My next closest relative is in Columbus, Ohio. Then there are some in Virginia and Maryland. My sister is in Portland, Oregon with my niece and nephew. To find the cash, figure out time off from two jobs just seems too daunting to make a quick trip. Then I remember what my mother used to tell me – the phone works both ways. I bought the house that I bought so that family or friends could visit and have a place to stay. I used to make sure I always had an extra bed just in case. The longest time my father has spent in my house was about five hours to get some sleep so we could go on a trip to bring a sailboat down the St. Lawrence Seaway from Maine back to Michigan. Now that is a story for some other time. I will just say I got off the boat in Toledo, Ohio.
I have no idea how to make friends. I believe friends happen. I also believe I am a very difficult person to make friends happen with. I work too much. I like to do things most people do not like to do. I get bored at things that a lot of people really enjoy doing. Probably the most important factor about me is that I have a bad attitude. Something that I found very interesting was when someone explained to me the difference between acquaintances and friends. This person spent a lot of years living in England. Apparently in European countries there is a very definite distinction between the two. Here we tend to call the most casual acquaintances friends. Overseas it takes a lot more to be labeled a friend. The definition of friend that was explained to me has a deeper meaning. I have very few friends. People that I know I can count on. People that I know I can talk to about almost anything. People that I know will not judge me, at least I hope not for too long. People that care. The number is small and I am extremely appreciative for the few true friends that I have.
No, I did not forget about the subject of romantic relationships. I will have to save that for another time. I do ask have you thanked your friends recently. If you are not going to see them soon I suggest picking up the phone and telling them that you appreciate them. Heck, maybe say that you love them. It is okay for guys to use the L-word. You can smack him on the shoulder or bump fists right after so it stays manly, okay?
I welcome any feedback, comments and suggestions for future commentary ideas.
melik_2001 @ yahoo.com.
