By Joe Walker
“Is the United States a country or a western?”
Whenever I hear the word “sheriff” I think of Texas. I’ve never been there but I’ve heard enough about it to form an impression of what it’s like. I think it sounds beautiful. Some call Texas the heart of America.
I’ve watched my share of cowboy movies too, many set somewhere in Texas. The scenery is always pretty awe-inspiring; grassy ranch properties, graceful horses running the open roads, and the sun beating down from an endless blue sky. The cowboys were cool too, especially the maverick sheriffs. I liked the action-packed gunfights and chase scenes but enjoyed the fistfights more.
President Bush is America’s sheriff. He refers to himself as a cowboy. Bush is from Texas and owns a ranch, so I guess to that respect he is. But I don’t see him as the type of cowboy Clint Eastwood played in The Man With No Name Trilogy. Bush is like Red Hot Rider, the bumbling goofball who failed to apprehend The Masked Marauder (Bugs Bunny’s wild west alter ego).
Governor Sarah Palin said she and John McCain are mavericks. When I heard this I pictured comedy western movie “Maverick”. In it Mel Gibson and Jodie Foster portray a pair of lying, thieving, money-swindling card sharks. McCain and Palin are a lot like those characters, so I guess to that respect they are mavericks.
Our cowboy President knows a thang-er-two ’bout action sequences. He’s responsible for the elaborate shootout our troops are involved in right now. Osama bin Laden was Bush’s Maksed Marauder. He never caught him. Bush will soon ride off into the sunset and I don’t want those mavericks McCain and Palin taking his place, gambling with our country.
I wouldn’t rely on them in a fistfight either! Imagine: You’re in a saloon brawl getting your butt kicked by a dozen or so real mavericks, and Sheriff John McCain and Deputy Sarah Palin show up to assist you. Nobody would have to fight Palin at all; just ask her questions she’d need to answer honestly and she’d quickly submit. And McCain? Really… That’s like asking Grandpa Simpson to help him fight Darth Vader and his crew of Storm Troopers! No thanks!
America needs a new sheriff.
New Resolution #41: Spell it with me …V – O – T – E!
