By TOM LAGANA
from “Serving Productive Time”
Almost everyone I meet receives a hug-a hug coupon, that is. My unique calling cards not only provide information about our business but are also redeemable for a hug, a smile, or an act of kindness.
Working with inmates doesn’t make me the most sought after member of social circles, but it does provide an element of interest when I meet people. Other people’s opinions of me don’t ruffle my feathers. Some folks have asked blunt questions like, “You work with prisoners? Why do you stoop so low?” Whenever I hear such comments from uninformed people, I look them in the eyes and think to myself, I’d rather be chatting with an inmate than listening to you right now. Most people are receptive to our work; for them the hug coupons are a constructive icebreaker.
On a trip to Arizona, my wife and I took several tours, including Sedona’s energy vortexes, the Grand Canyon, and the Hopi Indian reservation. Each tour lasted most of the day, giving us an opportunity to get to know the handful of people who shared the experience with us. Two of our guides were Native Americans who helped pass the time during our long drives by describing tribal customs and sharing native folklore.
I gave everyone a hug coupon during our excursions. When our crew realized the connection my wife and I have with prisoners, they revealed aspects of their private lives that under other circumstances would have remained private.
The guide on our first excursion told us about his son who was serving a long prison sentence. A Canadian gentleman seated behind us in the van mentioned that after a gratifying twenty-year career in corrections, he now ministers to inmates.
On the final tour, our Native American guide, George, mentioned that he had been incarcerated. As the hours unfolded, he revealed more about himself, along with local and ancestral history. He seemed almost relieved to be able to talk about what had happened to him years before. He had worked hard to become a successful guide and expert in his field.
Near the end of our adventure, I felt compelled to ask, “What made you turn your life around?”
“One day it hit me. I realized if I wanted to change my life, I needed to forgive the person I hated the most.”
“Who was that?” I asked. Conversation ceased as we focused on what George would say next.
“It wasn’t my mother or father or anyone who’d harmed me. The person I hated the most was the person I faced every morning when I shaved. Every day in prison, when I looked in the mirror, I realized I hated myself. Deep inside my heart, I knew I had to do something about it.”
We waited patiently for George to continue. “Each day I’d look in the mirror and say to myself, I forgive you, and I love you. It felt phony at first. I didn’t believe it, but I felt the need to say it every day. One day I finally accepted the idea that I’m a worthwhile person who deserves to be forgiven.”
As we stepped out of the van, we all redeemed our hug coupons. I think we realized that a loving Spirit in a mystical land had touched us in a unique way, allowing us to make a special connection.
Forgiving the Person I Hated the Most. Reprinted by permission of Tom Lagana. © 2009 Tom Lagana from the book “Serving Productive Time: Stories, Poems, and Tips to Inspire Positive Change from Inmates, Prison Staff, and Volunteers” by Tom Lagana and Laura Lagana. See website: www.TomLagana.com
Tom Lagana is a professional speaker, trainer, author, engineer, and volunteer. He is a recipient of the Jefferson Award for Outstanding Public Service in Delaware and coauthor of “Chicken Soup for the Prisoner’s Soul.” He and his wife, Laura, are coauthors of “Chicken Soup for the Volunteer’s Soul,” “Serving Time, Serving Others,” “Serving Productive Time” and “The Quick and Easy Guide to Project Management.” They present and facilitate workshops, programs, and seminars for inmates and volunteers across the United States. He may be contacted at P.O. Box 7816, Wilmington, DE 19803, phone 302-475-4825, e-mail: tomlagana@yahoo.com or see website: www.TomLagana.com.
