By Dr. Daneen Skube
Tribune Content Agency
Interpersonal Edge
Q: There are two departments in my company that are having a war and cannot get anything done. I’m managing the department heads. Both sides blame the other for not communicating. I’m at my wits end! How can I get them to stop fighting, and start cooperating?
A: You can begin waging peace instead of fighting workplace wars by remembering playwright George Bernard Shaw’s observation: “The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.” People may have ears, but listening well remains one of the most underutilized skills in today’s workplaces.
Most workplace wars are rooted more in emotion than reason. At some point, someone made someone else feel that his or her competence, value, or self-esteem was under attack. Even if the person who lit the match had no intention of creating a power struggle, once someone believes his or her worth is being threatened, conflict quickly escalates.
The injured party then goes for the jugular, the other person retaliates, their teams take sides, and before long you have a full-blown inferno consuming productivity.
If the conflict has been smoldering for months or years, it isn’t a sign of failure to bring in a psychologically savvy consultant. An experienced mediator can work separately with each department head to address the emotional issues while coaching you to rebuild collaboration.
If you’re handling the process yourself, begin by asking each department head what he or she believes the other manager thinks about them. Listen carefully for the emotional wound beneath the facts. Then ask the other manager the same question.
Spend plenty of time paraphrasing what each person says so both leaders experience being fully understood. Only after people feel heard are they usually willing to question their assumptions. Then ask each manager whether he or she would be willing to check those assumptions directly with the other person.
Next, bring both department heads together at a “peace table.” Ask each person to describe the outcome they would ideally like to achieve, even if they believe it’s impossible. Don’t allow them to focus solely on what they don’t want. Then have each manager paraphrase the other’s desired outcome before responding.
Throughout the process, remind both leaders that there are no villains in this story — only people trying to do difficult jobs under pressure. Ironically, the people who become locked in the fiercest power struggles often share the very same emotional vulnerabilities.
When I conduct corporate mediations, it’s not unusual for two people who once disliked each other intensely to discover they have remarkably similar fears, values, and insecurities. Once they recognize each other’s humanity, they often become strong allies.
We’re most likely to become entrenched in conflict with people who remind us of ourselves. The next time you’re locked in battle with an office enemy, ask yourself: “Is the quality I dislike most in this person also something I occasionally struggle with?” The answer may be the first step toward lasting peace.
The Last Word(s)
Q: The more I learn about myself, the more humorous I find some of my mistakes. Even when I know better, I can repeat actions that I know won’t create the result I want. Is a humorous viewpoint on my errors proof I’m not taking it seriously enough?
A: No. We’re truly blessed if we can laugh at ourselves because we’ll never run out of material to enjoy. Laughter lowers our defenses, insight slips in, and insight is what creates lasting change.
Daneen Skube, Ph.D., executive coach, trainer, therapist and speaker, also appears as the FOX Channel’s “Workplace Guru” each Monday morning. She’s the author of “Interpersonal Edge: Breakthrough Tools for Talking to Anyone, Anywhere, About Anything” (Hay House, 2006). You can contact Dr. Skube at www.interpersonaledge.com or 1420 NW Gilman Blvd., #2845, Issaquah, WA 98027. Sorry, no personal replies.
©2026 Interpersonal Edge. Distributed by Tribune Content Agency, LLC.
