By Robert Pagliarini, Tribune Media Services
It’s your fault. It’s all your fault. Everything wrong in your life is entirely your fault. Thank goodness for that! If it wasn’t your fault, then what control could you possibly have over making it better? But it’s not politically correct to write these things. If you are unemployed, it’s because of a lousy boss, the bad economy or terrible political leadership. If you have diabetes, it’s because of genes you inherited or the lack of money or time to eat properly. We are conditioned to believe that it is decidedly NOT our fault. We’re told it’s never our fault.
Our weight problem is not because we drink too much soda, it’s because the evil convenience stores provide cups that are too large. We watch presidential debates where both candidates clamor over each other to tell the American public either how government is to blame or how government will fix everything, but we hear nothing about the individual’s role. Few are willing to accept that they are responsible for their life, but for those who do, it changes everything.
Everywhere you look, you will find an escape hatch from personal responsibility. But what’s the harm, really? If you can sleep a little better thinking you’re not to blame, is that such a bad thing? Isn’t it better to feel good about yourself rather than blame yourself for your problems?
No. Not even a little. Because every time you abdicate responsibility by blaming someone or something else, you weaken your ability to do the one thing that can improve your life — to take action to change it.
But some things really aren’t your fault. Bad things happen to good people all the time. Trust me; I’ve had my share of crises just like everyone else. The moment calamity strikes, you always have two possible reactions: You can immediately look outward to find fault with someone or something else, or you can look inward and figure out what you need to do to get whole again.
Is it your fault the company you worked so hard for went out of business? No. But it is entirely your responsibility that you are unemployed and entirely your responsibility to secure another job. I write this not to rub salt in the wounds of the millions who are unemployed and struggling, but to offer it as a gift — the gift of accepting personal responsibility for whatever happens. It’s nearly impossible to find a new job when you are stuck blaming your old employer. It’s hard to improve your marriage when all you can do is blame your spouse for what’s not working. It’s hard to lose weight when you exert more effort
blaming others instead of working out at the gym. You cannot achieve success and happiness by giving anyone or anything control. And that’s exactly what you are doing when you point the finger — you are giving something outside of yourself the control and the power. Blame has never got anyone a job, a closer marriage or better health.
The greatest gift you can give yourself is to fully embrace the truth that regardless of what’s happened in the past or what’s wrong with your life today, you and you alone have the power and the ability, through your thoughts, choices, decisions and actions, to change your life now.
Robert Pagliarini is a CBMoneyWatch columnist and the author of “The Other 8 Hours: Maximize Your Free Time to Create New Wealth & Purpose” and the national best-seller “The Six Day Financial Makeover.” Visit YourOther8Hours.com.
This was printed in the October 6, 2013 – October 19, 2013 Edition
