I believe that people who are assaultive – verbally or physically- have no love for themselves and need to rethink what their priorities are in this life. I was recently at a place that I frequent and often see the same people. One of “the regulars” is extremely negative and gossips about others. She reminds me of an egocentric high schooler, who likes to find the weak to prey upon.
I heard her maliciously talking about someone in the bathroom. (Please be careful when you are talking on a cell phone or to someone in person, more than likely, someone else can hear you.) I knew what she was saying wasn’t true and I came out the bathroom stall when I heard her leave. Hey, I was there first and she shouldn’t have been talking so loud in the first place.
As I washed my hands, I thought about all of the undesirable traits that this person had: spineless, jealous, alone and unappealing. I wondered what made her tick and why starting a malicious rumor about someone (who is actually a great person) was so important. I left the bathroom thinking that she is painfully insecure and self-centered.
She wasn’t talking about me; she was talking about someone who used to once be a part of this person’s in-crowd. Due to life’s circumstances, I guess somethings changed. However, my comments are mere speculation. Sometimes you don’t have a choice whether you are in the in-crowd or not. It’s interesting being a part of the in-crowd as an adult when you weren’t one when you were younger.
The Old Days
As a teenager, I was always on the outskirts of earth protective atmosphere. I felt like I was in danger of tipping over into outer space. I didn’t fit into one group or another. I always felt kind of alien and awkward. I barely made the basketball team in the 8th grade and wasn’t very good. I think I was on the 6th string, if that even existed. I remember playing the worse team in the league, I missed two foul shots and was fouled again while trying to guard the person who rebounded the ball. I went back to the line and I made one of the two foul shots. I was grateful. My coach was less than impressed.
In the 11th grade, I was a cheerleader and hated all the jumping around for people. I could hardly lift myself off the ground and doing splits were out of the question. I had to stretch for months before I was 2 inches off the ground. I made it through one year. I think it was just to get the cheerleading sweatshirt that had my nickname that I gave myself embroidered into it “Sparkles”. Did I mention I had a full mouth of silver braces during all of my high school years?
I wanted to belong to a group. I wanted to be a part of a team. I wanted to share my God given talents and they were not athletic. In 12th grade, I found a group of other misfits to hang around with. I don’t talk to anyone on my old basketball or cheerleading squad. However, I still keep in contact with the other misfits that I was friends with in high school.
We talked about different things, especially going to college and getting out of high school. We knew that our only way out (of our parent’s house and our hometown) was going to college and getting an education. The mean kids would always pick on us and want to fight about minor issues and we always held our ground supporting each other when we could. We didn’t pick on other people to feel good because we understood that bullies were unintelligent.
Without my friends and experiences from the old days (did I say that) my life would be like a blank page. Without experiencing mean people, I wouldn’t be who I’m today. I had acne, braces and glasses when I was a teenager and was called “Pineapple Face”, “Four Eyes”, “Brace Face” and some other names that I shall not print. Sure my fragile teenage feelings were bruised. The name calling was to make me think negatively of myself. Being smart and using intellectual swordplay I decided that I would be “Sparkles” instead. I wouldn’t allow them to mess with my fluctuating hormone levels any more than I could mentally bear.
New Ways
It’s absolutely incredible that even as an adult, I still witness the same thing from small- minded individuals who talk nonsense about other people. The “look at what she has on” person or the “look at how she is dancing” person. I say find meaning in your own life. I could say a lot of negative things about this person’s physical self but I would never stoop to that level. It would make me feel lifeless and heavy-hearted.
I believe my husband and I have direction in our daily living. It’s because we worry about stimulation of the mind, optimism, creativity and understanding well-being. We don’t care about what people think about us. We both had to heal and let go of baggages full of hurt and a boatloads of negativity. They create barriers that repress you from experiencing the joy that life has to offer you.
If you’re with someone who is negative or abusive, you may experience a sense of meaninglessness. The “attention-seeker” may need a wake up call. If you’re in the presence of one of these egocentric people who pull you into an inescapable roller coaster of emotions, don’t you think it is time to get off the ride before you get sick. It’s a feeling that can pull you into a situation where you are repressing positives in your life and focusing on the negative.
Who care what she has on? Maybe that is all she has. Who cares if she is dancing like that? Maybe she just found out that the doctor read her mammography wrong and she doesn’t have cancer. Maybe she just won the lotto. Maybe if you weren’t worried about someone else you would have more timeto take care yourself and your family.
If you spread untrue rumors about others, I challenge you to bring yourself to a new place. Healing is a process that doesn’t work overnight. Alleviate your own suffering by dealing with issues that you may suffer from. People appreciate good constructive criticism. Consent to abandon wicked wounding words and dishonest gossip. Get counseling, talk to someone you trust, go to the doctor and check yourself out.
If there is a happy ending to a story and you are not looking for a sequel, you have peace. Consider it a tremendous challenge to not be negative, thwart false rumors, shine a light on a dark corner, you might find what you have been missing your entire life – yourself.
Sincerely,
Rina Risper
P.S. Remember to support those who support you.
