By Charissa Patterson-Martinez
We all should probably make more of an effort to empathize. Earlier this week I went to visit a friend of mine at her office. She had company, a co-worker and they were in the middle of a rather heated debate. I attempted to excuse myself as it was the polite thing to do. However, I was intrigued and thankful when the two of them asked me to stay. I am no stranger around this place, and my friend’s co-worker might as well have been my co-worker.
The ladies were speaking of the feeling of sadness and abandonment felt when every three years people move on and new people are replaced like an old light. The changes are vast from on up to higher ranking supervisory positions. The co-worker explained she has pretty much trained herself to not too involved in inner office celebration or get excited about her work finally moving in the direction that she wants it to go in when in about three years the new management will come in and make changes anyway. The co-worker is a local Belgian hired into this particular multinational military base.
A few times during the conversation she stated she might feel better had this issue been discussed or even acknowledged by those she worked closely with. She explained that Americans have many resources to help them transition from one place to the next and agreed that this is a difficult thing to go through.
The difference was that there was little discussion about what citizens living and working in Belgium long term can expect and how to cope. My friend tried to explain how their situations are not so different, to which the co-worker accused her of refusing to listen or understand. Here both parties display lack of empathy, one is accusing, and the other is refusing.
Shhh! Now is not the time to exert your expert opinion. Your colleague just needs you to hear her. I know how hard it I sometimes to stop yourself from explaining why it is the way it is. The truth is that you may even be correct on some points. I dare you to ask yourself this question and answer it honestly, “Is it that primarily because you are being stubborn with your listening and refusing to close your mouth, your ears are not open and cannot hear?”
I believe this lady had a valid point. My friend and I are both tied to the military through our spouses and quite frankly no matter which base we end up, there is already transition assistance set up in place. We receive help with anything from where to find childcare, housing, new parent support, teen support, soldier support, spouse support, great advice on navigating around and coping with change. Some programs are better than others; however, this help is usually available and within your reach. If there are programs available to my host nations’ employee, perhaps, a push to make them aware is what needs to happen.
This conversation ended almost the second she heard me acknowledge the issue and empathize with how she must be feeling. All that she needed in that hour was for someone to validate her feelings and point of view. It is okay to show a little love and understanding to those especially who cry out for an empathetic ear.
Charissa Patterson-Martinez is a wife, mother, daughter and friend. She is also a motivational speaker and writes about inspiring individuals who seek personal empowerment, enrichment and enlightenment. Charissa is originally from Lansing, MI and currently lives in Lens, Belgium. You can reach her at charissa@bephree.com or on Facebook at Be PHREEE
This was printed in the June 17, 2012 – June 30, 2012 Edition
