Left: Derrick and Isaiah Radford. Derrick doing daddy duty so that Isaiah’s mother, Shameka, could sleep.
Courtesy photo
By Joe Israel
Chris Rock made a very astute and interesting joke in his 1999 HBO special Bigger and Blacker when he railed about all the songs that talk about mom, but don’t mention dad.
“It’s all about mama. Always love your mama, mama, mama, mama. What’s the song about daddy? Papa was a rolling Stone!”
It’s not entirely wrong. The role conflict of the father is a line that is often blurred in the post-modern society we inhabit.
Left: Daniel Anguiano and Noe Arcante. Daniel’s mother Delores said, “This man is not only a great father to his own but went out of his way to be awesome with mine. Daniel has been through so much and Noe has never left his side.”More often than not, the father is a man who plays a temporary role, usually as a sperm donor, or unreliable deadbeat who was late with the support. It could also be a man whom, the female has chosen to procreate with no other thoughts of courtship or marriage.
The feminist movement wasn’t a waste by any means, as women are taking control of not only sexuality but all that comes with that including pregnancy and single motherhood.
African-American children living in a households headed by a male account for only 3.5 percent of the total.
Left: Eric Williams Sr. and his son and daughter, Eric Williams Jr. and Destiny Williams.Courtesy photo
On the other end of the spectrum, fathers also go un-credited for their attempts at helping to rear other women’s children, ironically after the first man did not step up and take responsibility.
Without question, the tables can be turned. Men are capable of demonstrating that they can be excellent fathers and mentors. They’re capable of connecting with their children through their own life experiences in their respective households. Because, the longstanding theory is that you raise your own kids the way that you were raised.
Left: Cari Shauver and her father, Denny Shauver, who recently passed away. Even with the looming spectre of their failed marriage over his head, seeping its’ way into his psyche, my father was a focused man. He was able to compartmentalize in his mind his emotions for my mother’s personality, and his love for me, all while maintaining his status as an excellent financial provider and kindred spirit.
Right: Cari said,”He gave me a diamond ring when I was 10 because he wanted to be the first man to give me a diamond. It was wonderful then but became so much more special after he died because it’s something I’ll always have.It doesn’t fit my finger anymore so I wear it on a chain around my neck, I haven’t taken it off since the night he died.”
That was a task that proved easier said than done. My mother was abrasive and extremely over-protective at times, leading to clashes with my father about the slightest, mundane details. Pretty soon the bitterness that festered about their once storybook love affair was brought to the surface and it was off to the races. Chairs, bottles, tables thrown and upended. Profanities uttered, and it would conclude with me cowering in the corner at age 7 because I couldn’t deal with the stress.
Right: Grandpa Don Wetmore, Sr. with his grandson, ”baby” Donny Wetmore III. Photo by Jewell Chingman
“To me your kids trust you and love you no matter what. The job of the father is to protect teach, and nourish your kids physically and mentally,” 34 year-old Lansing Area resident Bryan Filley said. “The father challenges the kids to be better people.”
“You have to become what you want your kids to become,” Rosetta Lee, 67 of Lansing said. “If you want your children to be patient, then be patient. If you want them to be upstanding, then be that. If you want them to be backwards, you get the picture.”
Left:Amy Ferguson and her godfather, Johnson Flanagan. Her father passed away in 1988.Courtesy photo
Words to live by I suppose, but fathers need the validation, they need the actions. The fathers, young, black, white, no matter what race need to be appreciated for the work and the body of science that goes into molding boys into you successful, law-abiding, tax paying, non-womanizing, young men.
Continue to set better examples. Teach them not to use drugs and to not be materialistic. Teach them to be fiscally responsible and not putting rims on any bucket you get the title for. Teach them that having a lot of women, while sometimes fun, can lead to a chain of events that you might not be prepared for without a fathers insight into the way the Y chromosome operates. Father’s day needs to be every day, just like Mother’s Day, and not just one day a year to shower men with gifts. Instead shower him with compliments for knocking the rent out for the month, or keeping the lights on so you can read at night. And for chrissakes, when dad comes home? Let him get the big piece of chicken.
This was printed in the June 2, 2013 – June 15, 2013 Edition
