By Dr. Daneen Skube
Tribune Content Agency
Q: The older I get the less I like people. Integrity is missing and kindness is rare. Other than staying home with my dog, how do you look forward to a workplace where a whole lot of people simply suck? I'm not saying some people are not wonderful, but they seem to be the exception.
A: The Dalai Lama points out that the problem with our world is that things should be used and people should be loved and instead people are used and things are loved. You are not wrong that our species has a developmental crisis because we have little practical idea about loving (verb).
Jesus Christ even emphasized that one of his greatest commandments was to love each other as he loved us. The problem is neither Jesus nor most spiritual teachers left us a practical handbook. Loving people sounds great until someone pisses us off. Then good intentions fly right out the window.
Martin Luther King also remarked that, “I believe that unarmed truth and unconditional love will have the final word in reality. This is why right, temporarily defeated, is stronger than evil triumphant.”
So let's get down to the nitty-gritty of how the heck you can do this with practical advice:
1) Love is physics not good intentions. The energy of love includes deep knowledge and love for self and thus compassion and effectiveness with others. The energy of love could transform global problems if enough of us could master that consciousness. Problem solving is dependent on the consciousness of the person brainstorming. Improve the consciousness and we improve the solutions!
2) Love is not deleting your humanity. Love includes acknowledging all your anger, grief, and fear and having the impulse control to act well even when you feel bad.
3) Love requires we learn interpersonal skills. Interpersonal skills are the technology of love. Being capable of paraphrasing to listen, negotiating win/win solutions, and attacking problems not people are how we love.
4) Run don't walk from people who smile so sweetly your teeth hurt and claim to be nothing but loving. These folks have the biggest capacity to act like demons because they cannot control nor see the darkness we all struggle with.
As we get older, if we are paying attention, we see that human beings are still young as a species. Like children, we are self-absorbed, enjoy tantrums and could use more time outs than we get. See people acting badly through the light of immaturity rather than malicious intent. Unfortunately most people are not awake enough to plot to hurt you; hurting you is simply a side effect of their numb unconsciousness.
Yes, it is disappointing we rarely meet those that practice love. Yes, we cherish those rare souls who understand they cannot be well if those around them are also not well.
This Monday morning work on skills and practice love because it is the world you deserve.
The last word(s)
Q: In my workplace, people seem to prefer the easy and half-baked solution over an actual effective strategy. Is there a way to work with my co-workers preferring the simple answer over the right answer?
A: Yes, work hard to make the right answer simple and you'll find a willing audience who understands and will help you implement effective solutions.
Daneen Skube, Ph.D., executive coach, trainer, therapist and speaker, also appears as the FOX Channel’s “Workplace Guru” each Monday morning. She’s the author of “Interpersonal Edge: Breakthrough Tools for Talking to Anyone, Anywhere, About Anything” (Hay House, 2006). You can contact Dr. Skube at www.interpersonaledge.com or 1420 NW Gilman Blvd., #2845, Issaquah, WA 98027. Sorry, no personal replies.
April 29, 2018 – May 12, 2018
