By Melik
I do not like the holidays. I do not like the fact that I do not like the holiday season. I have tried very hard not to be a Scrooge. When my mother died ten years ago everything I knew changed. I was nowhere near ready for the changes that would happen. No more Thanksgiving or Christmas dinners at my parent’s house. My sister has since moved to Portland, OR. My father has since become a vegan-like raw food health food militant, except for special occasions like funerals and weddings then the man eats regular food like his life depended on it. It is hilarious watching this five foot seven ultra skinny man chow down on some “real” food. The stories he has about the aftermath to his body are stupendously amazingly intense. I will spare you the dirty details.
I do not have a family of my own that I was able to start my own traditions with. That was a goal of mine for longer that what I would like to admit – twenty years. No matter how I have tried it never came to fruition. This fact tears me apart when the snow begins to fall. The sky stays cloudy and so does my mood. I try to be polite when people ask what I am doing for whatever holiday flips on the calendar. When I say I do not have any plans people usually slide in to that feeling sorry for me mood. That is not what I am asking for. I relish being able to have a day off with no responsibilities or obligations. Those days are rare and far apart.
I spoke to someone the other day; you might know him Kroger Kevin of the Frandor Kroger. He said that he had the best year ever. He cited that he went on six extended vacations to great places and enjoyed each trip immensely. I thought to myself what did I experience in ’08. I had some good days. However most of them seemed forced somehow. As if I had to fight to enjoy a moment in time. Don’t get me wrong, I do not have it bad. I have a decent house – nothing fancy but it has great potential and I am finally realizing that. I am not hungry. I am not without good friends. I am able to survive independently and for the first time in my life I really believe I can do this on my own.
I have come to accept my solitary holiday situation. Although it is not without wonderful people that more than welcome my company during this time of year. It is difficult to explain to people that are caught in the middle of the chaos of the season that I just might rather forego the stresses of trying to find my place in it all. Staying at home, cleaning my house, doing some laundry, watching a movie or two on the retail therapy TV with the sound system on the wonderfully comfortable sofa is plenty for me to be thankful for. I guess the holidays are not so bad after all. It reminds me of all things that I am extremely thankful for. I am finally becoming comfortable of how things are instead of fretting on how things could be. In that I find solace.
Melik is an actor and a comedian. He also writes poetry . He is currently writing about his experience being under 40 and being a stroke survivor. He may be contacted at
melik_2001@yahoo.com.
