Nu Resolution
By Joe Walker
“Does Turkey gravy taste good over Corn Flakes?”
This time of year is scarier than Halloween. Don’t look at a scale. Of course that’s not good for you. You do eat meat. Those did taste better than you thought they would. And, yes, there is a whole lot left to tempt you.
THANKSGIVING DINNER LEFTOVERS ARE UPON US!
Wondering which stores to shop first aren’t your only Friday morning questions. Did you eat too much on Thanksgiving? Yes. Did you gain weight? Of course you did. Is your booty bigger? Absolutely, bubble butt. And sadly, the feast is just getting started. Thursday dinner was the warm-up.
You had the possibility of 30 guests for dinner. 25 of those showed up. You cooked enough food for 77! You didn’t need a 50LB turkey but bought it anyway. You started cooking it two weeks ago and still waited an extra 45 minutes before you could eat! That cauldron of gravy: Also unnecessary. Everyone except a few children almost ate themselves into a coma, then went home happy (with a to-go plate), stuffed, several pounds heavier, slower and dreaming dazedly about bed, the toilet or both.
Here you’re stuck with all these leftovers. You spend an hour or more putting it all away, hours cleaning up, and the next two weeks trying to get rid of it all. You’ll give some away, sure; but you’ll eat the majority. People will ask men, “Man, when did your stomach get that big? You look pregnant.” Others will ask women, “Girl, when are you going to have that baby? Oh … you’re NOT pregnant?” You’ve eaten too much over the last 14 days to fight. Heck, you start sweating just thinking about moving; which just makes you hungry for more pumpkin pie, sweet potato pie, cheesecake, potato salad, macaroni & cheese, stuffing and dressing and baked chicken and smothered pork chops and green bean casserole and mashed potatoes with turkey gravy and fresh baked rolls and …
New Resolution #23: … thank you for this food; Amen. Hey! That last turkey leg WAS MINE!
