By Joe Walker
“Will a gift keep on giving if you give it back?”
I have no use for a mustard-yellow necktie with a smiling Santa-hat-wearing moose pictured on it. The thought counts but I’m still returning it.
Want to find the top tier sourpuss or annoying persons? Look no further than after-Christmas return lines at local department stores. You think last-minute shoppers have attitudes, these people make those look like Ghandi. The biggest problem: No one wants to wait in line, and everyone thinks they should be waited on first. But there is a bright side. Standing in line is “great” opportunity to meet people.
Lets say I’m in the return line: The person behind me notices the tie I’m returning. It reminds them of a gift they’ve received. They decide to strike up a conversation. Soon I’m hearing someone’s life story, with way too much information about someone I hadn’t planned, or preferred, to meet in the first place. Then the person in front of me joins in. I just want to exchange this for something I’ll actually use, and leave. It’s not that easy though. Before I know it Gretchen and Cleavon have been running their mouths for upwards of thirty minutes, and still 17 people between us the customer service desk.
“My daughter’s ex-boyfriend’s roommate got shot in the foot while moose hunting with his dead uncle seven years ago,” Gretchen says. “They’re getting married in 9 months too. They bought me reddish-brown His & Hers muffin tins for Christmas. My husband adores muffins.”
“I was really trying to be creative this year so I cooked green eggs and ham for Christmas breakfast,” says Cleavon. “My wife didn’t eat any though. Eggs makes her toes swell up, and she just got Bugs Bunny house shoes from her mother’s husband’s son. And her brother Shawndrevious, he has a big ole head. I looked everywhere for a hat his size. That’s why I’m in line now!”
“I’m returning a hat too,” adds Gretchen. Her and Cleavon both laugh. By this time I’ve decided to keep the dang tie.
New Resolution #25: Be thankful you got something, smile and pretend to like it.
