By Robert Pagliarini,
Tribune Media Services
Let’s just get this out of the way now: You can’t get rid of fear or pain but you can minimize it, control it and even use it to create your best life possible with a little practice. If you are in perpetual fear or are avoiding the one thing that terrifies you, there is relief. The solution, however, is counter to what you probably have been doing.
Is your fear holding you back at work? Are you afraid of giving a speech? Of stepping up and taking more responsibility? Of raising your hand when you know you are right? Of starting a business? Phil Stutz, one of the authors of a new book called “The Tools: Transform Your Problems into Courage, Confidence, and Creativity” says, “Avoiding pain wouldn’t be a problem if we did it once or twice a year, but for most of us it is a deeply engrained habit.” I would go even further and suggest that avoiding pain is not only a habit but a disease. A disease that limits your options, opportunities and your life. If you’re sick of cowering from fear and having it run (i.e., ruin) your life, there is another option.
There are three responses to fear — fight, flee or freeze. What do most people do? They run. They arrange their days and their lives in order to avoid all of the areas that may cause them pain. But you and I know how well this works. In fact, the more you attempt to avoid fear, the larger and more ominous it becomes. The moment you confront the fear by flipping up the sheets and shining a flashlight under the bed is the moment you have some relief. By avoiding, hiding and running from fear, it becomes worse and worse.
In my wealth management firm, where I focus on sudden money recipients, and in my practice as a life coach and therapist, I see this phenomenon play out every single day. You cannot run fast enough or hide well enough to avoid fear. The only way to minimize the fear in your life is to stop fleeing and to start fighting. Go after it with a vengeance. Hunt it down and slay it every opportunity you get.
Phil Stutz and co-author Barry Michels offer a solution that helps readers face fear head on. They call it the Reversal of Desire, and it is a tool for when you need to take action on what you have been avoiding. According to the authors, to overcome pain you must desire it. Really? Desire pain? Yes, really. And we’re not talking about living with fear or accepting it. You need to wholeheartedly desire it. Why? The authors will tell you that when you desire something you move toward it and the pain shrinks. But how?
The tool is to focus intently on the pain you have been trying to escape. Visualize the pain as a dark cloud and silently scream, “Bring it on!” and “I love pain!” as you become one with it. Continue by passionately saying, “Pain sets me free!” and then pass beyond the cloud into a realm of pure light. Do this over and over and over until you have boosted your self-confidence and are ready to act. I’ll be honest. I don’t get the “pure light” bit but I love the basic concept — stop running from fear and pain and face it head on. Give yourself a new mantra that you embrace pain and that the pain will set you free. Every time you feel yourself shifting away from pain or fear, stop yourself and try this tool. Continue until you are trembling … with anticipation.
Robert Pagliarini is a CBMoneyWatch columnist and the author of “The Other 8 Hours: Maximize Your Free Time to Create New Wealth & Purpose” and the national best-seller “The Six Day Financial Makeover.” Visit YourOther8Hours.com.
This was printed in the August 11, 2013 – August 24, 2013 Edition
