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After some time of dreary, gray winter days running a simple errand seemed more than just a simple chore. I begrudgingly began my task. It did not register right away that I was able to get into my car without removing fresh ice and snow. As I put the key into the ignition I was not aware that I had forgotten my gloves. When I put my seatbelt on I dismissed the fact that I had not zipped up my coat. I put my car in drive and began on my Sunday afternoon journey. Easing on to the road, I hit my radio pre-sets trying to find a station that is without commercials. I did not notice that the car was able to come to a stop at the stop sign without sliding a little bit into traffic. It escaped me that I did not slide around the corner when making a turn. I find a station that is playing something familiar. I am not really aware of what it is specifically at first. It is Pavlovian that I stop, as if something electrically charged my brain that caused me to begin to smile. I felt warm inside the car. However, it was that comfortable warm you feel when you climb into bed full of soft, thick, wooly blankets. No, it was better than that. Although it was cold outside the sun had heated the inside of the car. If you have ever been to a hospital and they have given you heated blankets – that is what it was like. It was as if I were tenderly surrounded by a heated blanket inside my car. The song played to the point where it was familiar to me as I made a turn by an apartment building where I used to live. Seeing the apartment there just South of Kalamazoo Street on S. Clemens, just before it turns to Aurelius, brought back a flood of memories. Resonating through the speakers was Enigma’s “Sadness, Part 1”, the hypnotizing rhythm, the sun’s radiant energy, the visual cues and flood of memories was putting me into a flashback of an emotional trance. It reminded me of a simpler time in my life. Although I did not have much it seems I did not have to worry much either. People used to laugh at me when asking how many jobs I had. I could never remember offhand. It was always at least three or four. I did not need to work so many jobs. I wanted to. It occupied my mind. They were always diverse. They always taught me something. There was the waiting tables gig. I taught acting and performed. I was on a cleaning crew picking up other people’s homes that felt they did not have enough time to clean up after themselves. I did minor home repair for a self-proclaimed slum-lord in East Lansing. He did keep his houses in pretty good working order though, well beyond the law’s expectations. It amazed me how the renters had no respect for the properties but would make such huge demands in the beginning and end of the rental relationship, forgoing all sense of reason in the middle. The third time I brought fleas home was finally enough for me to quit. Yep, it took three times. I owed the slum-lord money and I had paid my debt around the same time so it worked out. But I digress. I lived in a fourplex of apartments. The outside looked like hell; however the inside was amazing to me. Long with all wood floors, doorways and trim, it seemed big city to me. Although every piece of furniture in my place was someone else’s leftovers I was not to proud too appreciate what I did have. It was everything I needed and more. A comfortable bed, a dresser, a sofa, a functional coffee table, a rickety kitchen table, mismatch chairs and a place to put a TV I found. It was mine. I was responsible. I was not dependent on anyone else for the first time in my life and it felt damn good. As “Sadness, Part 1” continued on, cascading through my ears, making me reminisce about a life I lived long ago, it caused me to feel a great sense of happiness remembered. I was able to look through a window of my past and it caused me to compare how I am living now. Things are not much different other than my perspective. I have more “stuff” now but does that really define my happiness? I know I feel more stress keeping up with car payments, mortgage and taxes. I began to wonder if I was misguided in my pursuit of happiness. Nope, things are good. I have what I need. I am surrounded by good people and with each day I am given the great gift of life I am thankful. It was nice having the reminder though. ~Melik / me2upro.com |
