Photo by Darryl Evans -
Pure Enchantment Photography
Dear Readers,
FEELING SICK??? Have you checked your toxicity level? Take a few deep breaths, get out your pencil and make a list of people that you need to part with in 2015. Toxic people need to be eliminated from your life. If your life is filled with people who are bent on creating a miserable life for themselves and want you to be the person who gets to hear all of the negatives, you by default are allowing them to steal from you. The soul suckers become accustomed to you being there to absorb all of their issues. They have not made an effort to change anything in their lives to make it more positive. Again, get rid of the toxic species in your life.
Do not allow anyone to violate you or your time. Depending on when you pick up this newspaper, it is almost the new year or it is already here. Now is the perfect time to make a difference.
There are many things that good friends give us. One is hope. The ability to see beyond our distresses is important. Two is the time for personal contemplation. You do not have to speak to someone every day to be a good friend. Three is determination. Individuals should provide you with encouragement or a kind word. Four is contentment. You should smile when you see a friend or remember awesome times that you have shared together. Most of all you should feel love. Love is the one of the best things that you can give someone. It can make spirits soar by producing endorphins – the “feel-warm and spectacular” chemicals of the brain.
The last year has been amazing and left us with light speed and you are still deciding on what you are going to do this year to feel better about yourself. The older you get, the faster the time goes by. Spend more time relaxing, not worrying and feeling purposeful. It will be the biggest gift you can give yourself and the people around you.
You watch your diet, you buy bottled water and make sure that you are healthy but continue to allow someone or multiple people to use you. They may not know that they do it themselves and may even attack you on the road to separation. That is what people do when they do not get what they want.
If they can spend your money, try to make you responsible for their inability to do something or just share their negatives with you so you can feel just as bad as they do, they usually do. Maybe you are the friend they lean on but it may become to difficult for you to bear.
Maybe you did not think about that person who always has a way of making you feel bad. Well it is time to let them go. In 2015, base your accomplishments on how happy and at peace the people are around you.
Do not allow people to use you. If you have people who show up always with their hand out, that is a problem. Especially be aware of those who always show up at dinner time, ask you for favors that they know are gifted to you by friends they have no relationship with or those who pat you on the back and then stab you in it. How about the friend who never has any money or conveniently forgets their wallet when it is time to go out or tells you that they forgot their credit card at home. Yes, the users. Now, I am not saying that everyone who does that is up to no good but if a week passes and they are not trying to pay you back, your “Spidey senses” should tingle. There is something wrong with that picture.
There are those people who just make your life more stressful. You can manage your own stress level by slowly working your way out of negative conversations, motivating yourself to do better and/or putting a time limit on how much time you spend with those who want to suck you dry. Relationships with individuals should not make you feel sick, roll your eyes when you see the call and/or get that “what do they want?” question scrolling through their minds.
It is amazing how negative comments affect your emotional state. Our brains and our nervous system are one. Your complaints about how your mother never watches your children but she goes on vacation all the time may shift others to think about their parents who are no longer alive. Therefore, even though you are being selfish with your complaints, it can change a person’s mood to sadness or resentment. I wonder if you thought that your parents raised you and you should raise your own children.
For the past few years, I have had no problem omitting people from my life who do not respect me. Even if I care about the person there is no reason why I should allow them to remain a part of my life or my inner circle. If someone hurts your child, you feel their pain and want to come to their rescue. You wave a banner of protection and cite what is fair and true in order to protect them from manipulators, thieves and liars. Why should not you do that for yourself? Why do your feel guilty for not allowing yourself to rest?
Surround yourself with trustworthy people. Have clear expectations on what you expect from a “good” friend. Flip negative comments by saying, “I am sorry you feel that way.” Learn how to stick up for yourself.
Some people will try to ruin your reputation by befriending you to break you down. It is a silly idea but it puts you in a dangerous situation. Those are the people who try to make you feel unworthy if you are not under their watchful eye every day. They badger you during the day with calls filled with emptiness. The goal is to waste your time and energy. It is a parasitic relationship. They are the cowards who do not confront you or engage in civil conversation just to get your mind off of what is really important.
For instance, you experienced drug addiction and triumphed over it. You have the one person who keeps telling you that you will never be anything. Sometimes they bring up the same things over and over and they just cannot be proud of the hard work you have done to get to the point you are at now, which is still healing yourself. Yes, they have to have another chance. No one is perfect. I have respect for people who are continually trying to benefit themselves no matter how many times they fall down.
For people who are being negative, you may not even be aware. Ask yourself if you feel lousy all the time and give some attention to what they are saying and how you feel about it.
Friends and family should appreciate each other but sometimes things get unstable. My year has been amazing. Transform your life into something beautifully peaceful. Spend time watching how you interact with the people around you. YOU, not him, her or them but yourself. Stay focused on dumping the trash frequently and do not let it pile up. If you continually follow those rules you are on your way to a toxic free life! Leave it behind. If individuals are not adding value to your life, they are taking away from precious time that you can be gifting to yourself. By the way, it takes a few years to get used to being happy but continue on that path, life is too short. Longevity and family mean nothing if you are not happy.
If it does not make you feel happy let it go. Live your life abundantly in 2015. Take stock in you.
Love people,
Rina Risper
This column was printed in the December 28, 2014 – January 10, 2015 edition.
