Nu Resolution 6-17

By Joe Walker

Should gas pumps be installed at the border?

I don’t know about you, but food from Taco Bell gives me the worst gas imaginable. The commercials lure you in. The food looks so good one TV too. I see the vegetables being cut, the sauces mixed, shredding of cheeses (and you know their cheese comes out a plastic bag!), and someone eating the food likes it’s their last meal. I think, “Man, that junk looks good!” I start craving it, and the cravings won’t go away until I get a soft taco supreme, some sort of nachos grande, or one of their many other Mexican-style concoctions.

When I get to Taco Bell … Mmmm, the smell hits. My mouth starts watering like an out-of-shape person at their first aerobics class. I can wait to get my mouth on a cheesy who-lee-whats-it. Once I’ve eaten it though, my stomach instantly starts to churn the fuel. It you’re standing near me, make sure it’s not down wind.

The last time I ate Taco Bell food I started to think, “Hey: as fast as Taco Bell produces gas, someone needs to find a way to harness this for my car! It would be cheaper than gasoline if I always buy off the value menu!”

In Taco Bell commercials people yell, “I’m full”, after their consumption of these gas-producing dishes. If their rides were fueled by this natural gas, that could be a double meaning! The drive-up would be a one-stop shop. Lets say you were a professional truck driver and needed to fill up one of your delivery routes. You could grab a bite to eat, grab a caffeinated drink for the road, and top off your fuel tank at the same time. Taco Bell would have unbelievable dominance in the fast food industry.

But there is a side affect. Taco Bell ads used to say “Run For The Border”. For those who fill up, it should say “Run For The Toilet”. You might think outside the bun while keeping your car running, but you’d also be thinking inside the restroom.

New Resolution #18: Remember to grab a snack when at Speedway. Don’t forget they sell Tums too.