Nu Resolution
By Joe Walker
“Does nose candy contain High Fructose Corn Syrup?”
Watching television late one night I flipped channels until I got to the E network. One of their many Hollywood celebrity news and gossip shows was on. They were reporting about actress Lindsey Lohan’s problems with cocaine. According to them she had been caught with the drug on two occasions, along with being seen using at parties and other locations. The reporters spoke of other celebrities, past or present, having problems with cocaine also, and they’d always refer back to Lohan. The tones in which they spoke made her sound like a victim. And I guess she was.
I can remember a certain Halloween when my mother, grandmother and aunt told my cousin and I not to eat too much of our recently acquired candy. We didn’t listen. We just kept eating, eating and eating even more until it made us both sick. I remember hearing our parents talk about us. The tones in which they spoke made us sound like victims. And I guess we were.
Lindsay Lohan, like my cousin and I as children after Halloween, was a victim of being overindulgent, stupid, and neglectful of her own health. She knew what cocaine could do to a person, yet she chose to keep using it – in abundance, no less. Imagine if you were little and your parents gave you $100 dollars. Excited to have “so much money” you spend all one hundred bucks in one visit to Mr. Bulky’s Candy Store. You then eat every piece of candy in one sitting. The end result would be you getting sick. Your parents might even catch you with all that candy before you finish it. You know it’s against the rules to have that much anyway – even if was your money.
A person gets a touch of celebrity life, gets money, and runs to the Hollywood Mr. Bulky. For some reason they start craving a bulk of nose candy. I don’t feel sorry for Lohan. She, like my cousin and I when we were little, knew better.
New Resolution #21: Try raspberry Pixie Stix, and stay away from nose candy.
